Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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