i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
