It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
