Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
