you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's get the cat blown out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
