So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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