there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
