i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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