i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
