I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
