Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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