he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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