as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
