I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
