His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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