I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize