Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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