Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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