i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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