My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
