Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
