god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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