they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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