I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
