Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
