I want to make a zoo with you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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