onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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