Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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