Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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