Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
