it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize