So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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