3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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