I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
