how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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