Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
