the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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