i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
