The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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