I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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