im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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