JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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