I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
