how can u be prego again
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
