She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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