I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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