she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
