My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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