I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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