i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
