Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
