dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
