And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize