Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
