Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
