I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
