And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
