What did we do last night that was yellow?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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