that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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